Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
