You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
