I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
i now understand why vodka
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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