She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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