If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
