You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
