Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
