the condom got lost in my hair
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
