im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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