what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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