god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
