Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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