And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
