People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
