Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
