i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
