And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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