just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
