Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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