I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
