one word: firstdatebathroomanal
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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