Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
time to smoke my breakfast
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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