i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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