just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
