sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
