Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
vagina is talking i cant
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
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