I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
