I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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