saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Threesome in a minivan. New low
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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