the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
