My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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