I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
