He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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