how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
