Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
