I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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