ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
