I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
