The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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