hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
