My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
