I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
