You work out of a Hotel?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
