Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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