We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
