I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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