The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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