but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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