She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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