Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
