"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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