we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
