Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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